Monthly Archives: December 2019

Each day that I drive to and from work I know I will receive 2 blessings. No, I’m not expecting them. I just know that I will have the blessing of seeing the sunrise and the blessing of seeing the sunset. Those are 2 of the 3 constants I can count on each day. The other, most important constant, is the Lord.

Now before we get too far into this conversation I need to tell you, if you have never seen a southwest Kansas sunset you are missing out. They are breathtaking. Every. Single. Day.

This was today’s sunset. I can’t take credit for this picture, it was sent to me. And I am so thankful and touched that it was because this sunset was one of those sunsets that reaches your soul. One that only the God of the universe could create. And as the sun was sinking, I was driving and I wasn’t in a position to stop and take a picture. But God knew.

I know I shouldn’t be surprised. Because He is God and He does. Always. Yet each time I am in awe of how He works in the big things and the little things; of how faithful and constant He is; of how even in my bouts of not understanding the whys, He is working for my good every minute of every day; and of how He paints a different sunset everyday, each one just as amazing as the next.

A good broker turned writer friend of mine has on multiple occasions reminded me of Romans 8:28, And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose. The emphasis here is ALL THINGS. Constantly. God uses everything for good. Our joy and our pain, our trials and triumphs, our laughter and our tears, all of it.

His goodness is constant. Just like the sunrise and the sunset.

Sometimes in the mess its hard to see the constant and the good. Sometimes we don’t understand. But one look at that sunrise to start the morning and the sunset as we end the day is all the reminder we need.

God is good, constantly.

James 1:17 ESV “Every good gift every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.”

 

 

 

 

I am saved by grace. Grace, that as a sinner, I probably don’t deserve. But I am blessed with it anyway.

I am saved through Christ. The Son of God, who died for sinners like me and you, so that we may have everlasting life, if we choose to accept Him.

Someone please tell me how sinners like us are so deserving of such an amazing gift?

I’d say we’re not. We are just loved, by an amazing and perfect God, who sent His son to die for us, and through his blood, we are made clean. Grace and Salvation are by far the two most precious gifts we could ever receive, along with life and unconditional love.

I am a sinner. A sinner, who at times wonders why I deserve gifts like these for all the mistakes and sins that I have brought upon myself. I wonder why I am the way I am and why I make the choices I do. Good and bad.

Well, because that’s the way He made me. God equipped me with a heart that has an infinite capacity to love. He filled me with happiness, so that I may overflow into others. He filled me with mercy and faith so that I may do His work. He also gave me free will to make my own choices, right or wrong. To be able to choose how to use the gifts He has blessed me with. To choose who I love. To choose who I help. To choose how I share my blessings with others.

I haven’t always made the right choices, even recently. And I am sure I will make more wrong choices in the future. Despite the imperfect sinner that I am, He has blessed me with grace and salvation because I chose to live in Him.

I am going to screw up and I am going to be a handful and I am going to sin because I am a sinner. I am also going to live by faith, boldly, and I am going love infinitely because that is the way He made me. Even for all our faults, we are saved, by grace and Jesus Christ. We are truly, truly blessed. And that is amazing.

Feed Yourself, Girl! and be thankful for the gifts of grace and salvation. I know that I am.

1 Peter 5:10
“And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.”

Love. Everybody wants it, craves it, lives for it. We all want to receive love and to love in return. It’s human nature.

What if I told you that you are loved, all the time, by a glorious and powerful Creator? And that in turn, you should love Him with all your heart, all your mind, and all your soul? Now, I’m sure this seems like common knowledge to all of the Christians in the world, even this one, but how often do we act on it? How often do we take the time to tell God that we LOVE Him, I mean REALLY love Him? Do we glorify Him as much as we should? Do we stand in awe at His love and His power the way we should? Do we praise Him and stand thankful for this life that He has gifted to us?

I know that, as a very humble, very imperfect Christian, I can answer “no” to more than one of these questions. I’m sure that we all can.

Now, how about this: How often have you stood in front of someone that you love, whether it be a husband, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend, fiancee, whatever, and basked in their love and adoration? How often have you praised them and put them on the highest metaphoric pedestal you could find? Do you put them above everything else in your life because you are blinded so much by love? Or how about in the presence of someone very famous? Do you absolutely lose it because you are in shock over another human being? We are ALL only human and God is the only one greater than all of us. We are all His children, equally so, and the only being we should be fawning over is our Maker.

Don’t get me wrong, I am just as guilty as the rest of us. I have loved with everything I have, and I gave none of it to God, when I should have been giving it to Him first. Then I should have been thanking Him for giving me such a wonderful gift with another human being. Instead, I just took it for granted, and then before I knew it, it was gone. I was lost and confused. I was left with a heart full of love and no one to give it to, or so I thought.

I finally realized I needed to give my love to the One who deserved it the most, and in return, He fills me with love.  More love than I could ever imagine. Loving Christ has taught me that love is infinite, just like His love for us, His children. He will bring people in and out of your life for a purpose. He will allow you to love and to grow and to hurt so that we may grow closer to Him. So that our LOVE may blossom in Him. This love in Him, is REAL love. The truest love we could ever experience. With that real love, comes the ability to truly love others. Though I am FAR from getting this real love right, I am trying to make it a part of my everyday.

The Lord is doing amazing things in my life and I know He will in yours. It’s His plan, and in His time.

Feed Yourself, Girl! with  REAL LOVE. You will be amazed at how much love you receive in return.

1 Corinthians 13:13 (NIV)
“And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.”

Here we are again. It has been over a month since my last post, and I bet most of you thought that I fell off the writing wagon, into the ditch of writer’s block and got a bout of creativity despair. That’s not the case. I had to take a writing hiatus, and deal with life events, changes, and speed bumps. So, here we are, together again, and life is almost back to normal.

Well, where do I begin?

I moved back to Kansas. Yep, Kansas. Ulysses, Kansas to be exact. I always thought one day I would end up back in this part of the country, but certainly not this soon, and certainly not under the circumstances that I endured.

In my last post, I talked about dancing in the rain and taking a leap of faith. I did just that; however, the result that I had expected was not at all what I received, and pleasantly so. You see, I had been back and forth between Kansas and Colorado several times from April until July before I had my answer. I was confused and frustrated and I couldn’t understand why God would allow me to be “in limbo” for so long, especially after I had prayed and prayed and prayed.  I had friends and family constantly asking for an answer when I didn’t have one for them. I didn’t even have one for myself. I knew that they meant well and were asking out of love and concern. Regardless, the whole situation was wearing on my patience, my emotions, and my faith.

So, I figured I’d test God. I told my friends that if they attended church with me that following Sunday, I would stay in Colorado, thinking that they wouldn’t all show…

Well, they did, and it scared me.

I was on the verge of needing to find a new home and a different job, and I didn’t know what I was going to do or how I was going to keep my head above water. I just knew that no matter what, it was time to trust my Savior. Time to put my words into actions and jump, hoping that faith would give me wings.

So, I decided to go back to Kansas one last time. I still had boxes from a past life I had to go through, and I could take the time to reflect and plan on how I was going to make things work with staying in Colorado. During my stay in this tiny town, I was offered a great job with the hours I needed to raise my girls. I had a roof over my head in a small, very close-knit town, where the cost of living is much more affordable for my budget. Best of all, the girls and I still had a partial foundation that we could again begin to build off of. It just felt like home.

Don’t get me wrong, leaving Colorado wasn’t without its painful goodbyes. I left behind family, very close friends, and a church that I had grown to love and adore in the short time that I was a member there.  It was hard, but I know God was giving me the tools I needed to be a successful mother and to be able to raise my girls without having to scrape by, paycheck to paycheck. He was truly answering my prayers, just not in the way I had expected or planned. But its not my plan now, is it? Its His, and it is greater than anything I could ever imagine.  I also know that if I continue to live my life for Him, with Christ in me, and take Him and His word wherever I go, then I will never be alone, nor will I ever have to truly suffer, though I know I will have trials.

Moving forward, I don’t know what is going to happen, and I don’t know that I would want to if I could. What I do know, is that if I put my faith in God, He will always provide, even if it is not what is planned or expected.

Do me a favor and Feed Yourself, Girl! with faith, even if it is blind, because God is always there.

James 1:2-3 (NIV)
Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.”

Today I played in the rain with my 12 year old daughter. She had packed a picnic for us as a belated birthday present to me (I am now officially 30), and we headed to the park for some much needed mother-daughter time. We ate our sandwiches and chips happily, and then headed into the grass to romp around with the chiweenie dog. As the rain began to fall, we started rolling around in the grass, doing cartwheels and just general horsing around with the dog and each other. By the time we were finished and headed back to the car, we were soaked and laughing like two little school girls. We had water dripping from our hair and chins and noses. It was the most fun that I have had in a long time. For just a little while, all of the stress and problems of the everyday just slipped away and it was just her, I, God, and the rain..oh, and the chiweenie. It was perfect and I feel blessed to have shared that with my daughter.
For the past month I have been on an emotional roller coaster, a boat in rough water, in the midst of a storm, whatever you want to label it. Life has put some significant changes before me and I have been pressed from every which direction to find an answer to what has been laid out. I have cried and screamed and prayed and racked my brain to the point of over feeling and over thinking. I am so afraid that I am going to make the wrong decision and fall flat on my face, let myself down, let others down, and let God down. I just don’t know!
Here is what I do know: Sometimes you just have to have faith. With all of the ins and outs and ups and downs that life presents, sometimes you just have to leap and let faith take you where it may. God has a plan and me over feeling and over thinking and worrying about controlling the situation doesn’t ease an already difficult decision. It’s time for me to take a step forward with no clear destination and put all of my faith in the Lord. You step out into the storm with the knowledge that you are going to get soaked and you are going to step in big, wet puddles. You make the best of all of the obstacles that are presented. You embrace the cool, wet feel of the rain and the music of the thunder, and you jump and splash in all of the puddles that are in your path. You trust that God will take care of you, even if you can’t yet see the sun, because you know at the end of that storm, there will be a rainbow. So, its time for me to put this very large burden in the hands of the Lord. I need to have the faith and trust in Him that He will take care of me and this life that He has gifted me. It is time to live boldy for Him (thanks Mike) and live my life to glorify Him and love Him. It is time to step out into the storm and dance in the rain. So with this I urge you to Feed Yourself, Girl! A little rain is very good for the soul!

Ephesians 3:12 (KJV)
“In whom we have boldness and access with confidence by the faith of him.”

Now, I know this is a little out of the norm of what I usually write about each week, but this is a passion that has been on my heart lately.

I LOVE MY CHURCH!

I mean I REALLY love my church. And I don’t mean an “oh I go on Sundays to get my fill and feel good” kind of love. It is a deep down in the soul kind of love. I love what my church stands for. I love the sermons. I love my pastors and their wonderful wives. I love the members of the congregation. I love the time we spend together worshipping our Lord and Savior. I love the time we spend in fellowship, even if its not on Sunday. I love how real the people are. I especially love the way we all love our God. I LOVE MY CHURCH.

I’m sure I have said this before, but I am going to say it again. I have found this amazing, steadfast family within my church. From the day I first stepped foot into that building, that house of God, I have found this extended family that I never knew existed. They welcomed me with open arms, they made me feel loved immediately, and they accepted me and all of my flaws. Everything that family is about, they are. It is one of the most real places I have ever known.

And isn’t that what church is about? Being real?  Being real with God. Being real with the people who share your passion for Christ. Being real to yourself.

This is real life with real everyday problems. Everybody has real junk in the trunk. Everybody has real baggage that they pull behind them. Everybody has real skeletons adorning their closets…okay, not REAL skeletons, but figuratively speaking…you get my point. The problems are real and who better to help share the load than the people who love God the way you do? And who better to help each other drag their baggage? No one except God, that’s who.

I LOVE MY CHURCH, with all of it’s people and flaws and baggage and junk. We share a common love and that is the love of a PERFECT God. You can’t get any more real than that.

I hope you find yourself real at your church.

If not, you can always visit mine. You’ll find yourself right at home.

In the meantime, Feed Yourself, Girl! with love and fellowship and the understanding and freedom that being real can bring.

Matthew 18:20 (NIV)
“For where two or three come together in my name, there I am with them.”

Stop whatever you are doing, right now. I want you to take a minute to ask yourself a very important question: Who is the most insecure person you know?

I am willing to bet most of you answered with, “ME.” I know I did.

I am by far, without a doubt, the most insecure person I know. In fact, right now I am nervous about what you all are thinking because this post is late, again. All sorts of cynical, judgemental phrases cross my mind: “Can’t that girl get her stuff straight?” “It’s not that hard to write a blog, she should be able to keep up with it.” “She is late…again!” And the list goes on.

The fact of the matter is, is I know I am far from perfect. I am my own worst critic; and I am the only person who can make me feel self conscious, less than, or unloved. And the same goes for you. Some days we don’t feel pretty enough. Some days we feel overweight. Some days we feel like nothing we do is right. Some days we feel like we are undesirable or unlovable. Some days I just feel like I am not enough.

It seems like lately I have been dealing with my insecurities more often than I usually do. I worry what people at work think. I worry about what people at church think. I worry about what my friends think. I worry about what my children think. I worry about what my parents think. I worry about what God thinks. With all of this insecurity and worrying, I tend to over think. And the over thinking causes me to take action to try to “fix” the insecurity and do things to push boundaries I wish that I hadn’t. Then I look back in hindsight and wish I had just let God handle it. It’s the only way to handle it.

I have recently adopted the motto “Let Go and Let God.” As hard as it is to do, it alleviates the insecurities that weigh me down on a daily basis. I have to worry less about  my fears and insecurities, and more about releasing them to God and trusting and loving my Lord and Savior. Then the rest will take care of itself (meaning God will handle it). Now, by no means am I a pro at letting go, or will I ever claim to be. There will always be insecurities I will try to remedy myself and end up screwing up beyond my repair. It’s a part of the imperfect human nature each one of us carries. But if myself, as well as all of you, can look past the issues of now and trust in God with the future He has planned, it makes the weight of our imperfect human nature a little less to bear.

I am still a fairly new Christian in my adult life and it is going to take time for me to work some of my faults out, though I will never get it completely right. I just hope and pray that in the meantime, I can learn and grow to be a better, less insecure, imperfect Christian. I am saved by grace, and grace alone. I know that and am humbled by it.

With all your faults, and all your heart, Feed Yourself, Girl! You will be humbled when you do, insecurities and all.

2 Corinthians 1:3-5 (NIV)
“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows.”

Unconditional love.

We all crave it. We long to give that love to someone, and we desire to have it given to us. We hope to share our entire life with another human being. To love through the good and the bad.  To build a home and to raise children. To live this life with our soul mate, our lover, and our best friend.

I haven’t done the most spectacular job of making a life work with someone. I have burned through marriage (as I told you before) and have had rocky relationships. For one reason or another, I could find something wrong with every relationship that I have had, and most of the reasons were “deal-breakers” for me, or the other party saw flaws in me as “deal-breakers” for them. It didn’t matter, it just didn’t work out, and I constantly craved that unconditional love.

I used to think, I have all of this love in my heart, what the heck am I supposed to do with it? I wanted to give it to someone. Anyone. I just wanted to share it, so others could feel it too. I didn’t even think about giving it to the One who deserves it the most. I was at a point in my life where I was the furthest away I had ever been from Him, and it didn’t even cross my mind to give my love to God.

Now He gets it all.

I have reached a point in my life where I have finally learned that unless I give all of my heart to the Lord, I can never truly experience unconditional love. It goes back to that whole “putting Christ at the center of my life” thing. I am still learning how to live my life for Christ and how to love Him unconditionally, but I have opened my heart and I am learning to trust the Lord. I know He knows what I need and what is best for me. However, I still have my “I want” and my “I have my heart set on” moments. And yes, I am learning to curb those too.

As I grow in my faith and in my love for Christ, I know he will guide my heart to a life with whoever and whatever is right for me. It makes me nervous to think that I don’t know what His ultimate plan is for my life, but there is a peace and comfort in knowing that no matter what it is, it will be wonderful. It will be a life full of unconditional love because Christ will be in the center of it. It will be a life with a soul mate, lover and best friend. It will be a life with a home that is built on a foundation of faith and love. It will be a life that will honor our Lord and all that He is.

I will live this life for Him. Unconditionally.

Feed Yourself, Girl! with the unconditional love of our God. He is truly awesome.

1 John 4:16 (NIV)
“God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him.”

I am facing a harsh reality. Okay, okay, not THAT harsh. Just read.

I am coming into my thirtieth year. Oh no?! Oh yes!

I have friends who are faithfully not letting me forget the age milestone I am about to hit (you know who you are). I know that before this year even started, it was going to be a life-changing one. It has been, amazingly so, and it is only mid-May. I have grown in ways that I could have never imagined. I have found this new, imperfect, steadfast family within my church. Most importantly, I am finding out about myself and about who I am by living with Christ in me.

When I was a little girl, I would lay down at night and pray. I remember the way I felt as I would have my conversations with the Lord. I loved Him so much, it was like I was throwing my heart at Him. It’s the only way I can describe how it felt. I loved Him that much. He was always there. Always.

As I was growing up and walking down the lonely path of trials and adversity, I lost that love and I lost sight of Him being there. At first, I was so wrapped up in other things that it didn’t really bother me. However, as I got older, I began to wonder what had happened to my Lord and to my heart. Soon, I was grasping at everything that I could to get that love back. I tried different churches and I tried different prayers, but nothing worked. It had never crossed my mind that it could be me.

Until now.

I needed to change me. I needed to open myself back up to Christ. I needed to rely on Him. I needed to trust Him and love Him.

I needed to throw my heart at Him.

I needed to need Him.

I needed to realize that no matter how old I am or how old I get, I will always be His little girl, His child. That child-like, unconditional love will always be there, it just takes loving Him and trusting Him with every aspect of my life. He is my relationship priority and through Him all things are possible.

Going forward, I know I need to put Christ in the middle of my life. He  needs to be right smack-dab in the middle of my family, my relationships, and my everything. I will love Him with all that I am, the very best that I can. Stumbles and all.

So, bring on the thirtieth year, I say! Bring on the life changes! Bring on the trials and adversity! And bring on the unconditional love for my Lord and Savior.

I will ALWAYS be His little girl.

Feed Yourself, Girl! Unconditionally. In Christ. Always.

Romans 8:16-17 (NIV)
“The Spirit Himself testifies that we are God’s children. Now, if we are children, then we are heirs-heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.”

Today was beautiful! Despite the fact that I had to work, of course, it was an amazing day and nothing out of the ordinary happened. I took my lunch hour to head over to my kids’ school to spend lunch and a portion of their field day with them. Then after work, I picked my girls up from school, stopped at the grocery store, and took them home. When we got there, I made them dinner, we ate, and I took them to the park down the street.

That’s when it hit me. My girls. My beautiful, loving, hilarious girls are absolutely amazing. Audra is 12 and she is the oldest who plays the mini-mom. Kaitlin is 8 and she is the middle child who blazes her own path. Hannah is 7 and the youngest who strives to be like Audra, which causes them to fight incessantly. They are a blessing.

I was sitting on the curb that leads into the play area, and I was beginning brainstorm about what I was going to share with you this week. As I was lost in thought, I looked up and saw my children running across the field with the other kids. As simple as this may sound to you, it was the most beautiful moment for me. They were laughing and carefree, without a worry in the world. It made my heart fill with love and joy. I just delighted myself in the moment.

Each one of them is so unique and amazing in her own way.

I think our Lord sees us that way. We are all His children and he delights in each one of us, as we should in Him.
I have to admit, I haven’t made my time with Him a priority as much this week as I usually do. I could name any number of reasons that I didn’t get around to it, but they would all just be really bad excuses for not making Him a priority in my daily life recently. I guess that makes me a little too spiritually skinny.

As I was admiring my children, these three amazing gifts that God has given me, I realized that everything I have in my life, is because of Him. Especially my children. He has given me the greatest gift and I should delight in Him as much as I delight myself with my girls. He instills in me what it is to be a good parent, He guides me when I feel lost and unsure of what to do when it comes to mothering, and He loves me despite the mistakes I have made. He is the constant in my life. All that the Lord asks in return is my heart, my love, and my trust. Which is exactly what I ask of my children.

We are all unique and amazing in the eyes of our God because we are saved through Jesus Christ. He has made the ultimate sacrifice and given us eternal life so that we, His children, may one day join Him in heaven.

Though my thought today is not long, it is simple and strong. As you fill yourself with your children and them with you, so must you fill yourself with the Lord. Delight in everything He is and teach your children to do the same. The Lord doesn’t ask for much, but yet He gives us everything. Isn’t that what we do for our children?

Simply put,  Feed Yourself, Girl! You will feel absolutely delightful once you do.

Psalm 37:4 (NIV)
“Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart.”