Here we are again. It has been over a month since my last post, and I bet most of you thought that I fell off the writing wagon, into the ditch of writer’s block and got a bout of creativity despair. That’s not the case. I had to take a writing hiatus, and deal with life events, changes, and speed bumps. So, here we are, together again, and life is almost back to normal.
Well, where do I begin?
I moved back to Kansas. Yep, Kansas. Ulysses, Kansas to be exact. I always thought one day I would end up back in this part of the country, but certainly not this soon, and certainly not under the circumstances that I endured.
In my last post, I talked about dancing in the rain and taking a leap of faith. I did just that; however, the result that I had expected was not at all what I received, and pleasantly so. You see, I had been back and forth between Kansas and Colorado several times from April until July before I had my answer. I was confused and frustrated and I couldn’t understand why God would allow me to be “in limbo” for so long, especially after I had prayed and prayed and prayed. I had friends and family constantly asking for an answer when I didn’t have one for them. I didn’t even have one for myself. I knew that they meant well and were asking out of love and concern. Regardless, the whole situation was wearing on my patience, my emotions, and my faith.
So, I figured I’d test God. I told my friends that if they attended church with me that following Sunday, I would stay in Colorado, thinking that they wouldn’t all show…
Well, they did, and it scared me.
I was on the verge of needing to find a new home and a different job, and I didn’t know what I was going to do or how I was going to keep my head above water. I just knew that no matter what, it was time to trust my Savior. Time to put my words into actions and jump, hoping that faith would give me wings.
So, I decided to go back to Kansas one last time. I still had boxes from a past life I had to go through, and I could take the time to reflect and plan on how I was going to make things work with staying in Colorado. During my stay in this tiny town, I was offered a great job with the hours I needed to raise my girls. I had a roof over my head in a small, very close-knit town, where the cost of living is much more affordable for my budget. Best of all, the girls and I still had a partial foundation that we could again begin to build off of. It just felt like home.
Don’t get me wrong, leaving Colorado wasn’t without its painful goodbyes. I left behind family, very close friends, and a church that I had grown to love and adore in the short time that I was a member there. It was hard, but I know God was giving me the tools I needed to be a successful mother and to be able to raise my girls without having to scrape by, paycheck to paycheck. He was truly answering my prayers, just not in the way I had expected or planned. But its not my plan now, is it? Its His, and it is greater than anything I could ever imagine. I also know that if I continue to live my life for Him, with Christ in me, and take Him and His word wherever I go, then I will never be alone, nor will I ever have to truly suffer, though I know I will have trials.
Moving forward, I don’t know what is going to happen, and I don’t know that I would want to if I could. What I do know, is that if I put my faith in God, He will always provide, even if it is not what is planned or expected.
Do me a favor and Feed Yourself, Girl! with faith, even if it is blind, because God is always there.
James 1:2-3 (NIV)
Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.”
feed yourself, girl 