“Coffee on the porch”, one of my favorite pastimes. My very best friend of seventeen years, Michelle, and I started this therapeutic tradition almost by accident. We were at a huge turning point in our lives three years ago. She had just moved back home to Colorado from Ohio, and I had just moved back from Kansas. We would sit on the porch of my then-rented home with two mugs of hot, delicious coffee and discuss the ups and downs of life, our stumbles and our strengths, and how the circumstances of our lives had brought us back together. It was our own little fellowship and it was amazing. Coffee on the porch = good for the soul.
This morning I am having coffee on the porch solo (unless you count the two pound chiweenie dog next to me). I am at a turning point in my life, yet again, and have had some amazing moments of self-discovery; especially recently. I have stumbled as much as I have walked straight. I have pushed at people I care about and realized it has gone on for far too long. It’s a pattern. A pattern I am going to break.
Let me give you a little insight: I used to be the one being pushed at. Constantly. And I would do nothing to stop it. I couldn’t stand up for myself . How pathetic. Finally, after my last marriage ended I made myself a promise: I would not be pushed around. Ever again.
I stuck to that promise, a little to well, because now I was the one pushing.
I would push friendships and relationships to the breaking point if I didn’t know where they were going. I would push at people, thinking there was strength in testing relationships. I needed to know if it was worth my time. I needed to be loved on. I needed an answer now. I am not going to let anyone hurt me again. I am not on anybody else’s time. I thought if people didn’t see it from my point of view then they weren’t worth my time. I thought it was time for people to bend for me because I was always the one bending for everybody else. I. I. I. I. I. I was selfish and I was weak.
I didn’t look to Christ for the love and the strength that I so desperately needed. So I pushed the people I cared about the most, trying to get something that they could never give me.
I needed Christ. I needed grace and mercy. I needed patience and perseverance. I needed strength. I needed love.
I know now that Christ will give me everything I need and more than I could ever imagine. I know that my faith in Him isn’t just a belief that something greater exists, it is a relationship that can stand the test of time. A relationship that is full of strength and love and grace and mercy. I know that He has been, and will be, there through everything I have, and will, experience. I know that if I trust in Him and love Him, He will give me all I need for this life.
Simply stated: He is all you need. I have learned that strength doesn’t lie in pushing. Strength lies in having faith and trust in the Lord to give you the patience and the perseverance you need to overcome life’s many obstacles.
Now I can begin to pour into other’s lives and give back to those I care about little by little. I will let my heart overflow into their lives. If I can make a difference in one person’s life through Christ, well, to me that’s pretty amazing.
So as I continue with this turning point in my life, I am thankful to Him. Thankful for the love and life that He has given me. Thankful for the pieces of my life that I get to share with you each week. Thankful for the strength, patience and perseverance He has instilled in me. Thankful for the time I get to fellowship through moments like “coffee on the porch”, even if it is with a two pound cheweenie dog.
I am thankful, always, and I will persevere as long as I have Him.
As always, Feed Yourself, Girl! There is an amazing strength in being spiritually full.
1 Peter 1:6-9 (NIV)
“In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith-of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire-may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls.”
feed yourself, girl 