Monthly Archives: December 2019

Life has pitched me some curve balls lately and I could talk about any number of things that have happened, but I won’t. I want to talk about being a mother. The all-time most non-glamorous, back-breaking, some-days-I-don’t-even-have-time-for-a-shower job in the entire world. And it is by far the most rewarding.
Tonight as I was putting my girls to bed, I thought about how they fought with each other today, about how they threw fits, and about how they just took the little bit of patience that I had left and smashed it into pieces. Then I thought about how lucky I was, about how much they fill my life (good and bad), and about how much I love them.
I was a mother at seventeen, then again at twenty-one, and then for the last time at twenty-two. It was a lot for such a young age, I admit. I have made good choices and bad regarding them, and some days I wonder if I will ever get being a mother exactly right. Yeah, probably not. However, I do know this: there are two parts to being a mother. There is the being the mother to your children part, and then there is the being the mother who needs to remember she is also a woman part.
As a mother, you are the teacher, the cook, the nurse, the maid, the chauffeur, and whatever other title you deem yourself fit for. You help with homework, even if you don’t fully understand it, and pray that the help you gave is correct. You make breakfast, lunch, and dinner for hungry little tummies and hope that they are getting enough fruits and vegetables and vitamins. You kiss and Band-Aid cuts, scrapes, bruises, contusions, and splinters, with the gentleness and precision of an experienced doctor. You make beds, do laundry, wash dishes, and clean up toys with the knowledge that by the end of the day, your house will look like a train wreck all over again. You drive your kids to school, sporting events, recitals, the mall, and any other place that they may so desire, no matter how tired you may be. As a mother, you are everything and more to your children. What makes it all worth it? At the end of the day, when you tuck your kids in to bed, and you hear them whisper their prayers to our Lord, it fills your heart. Then, they wrap their tiny little arms around you and say, “I love you mama,” and your heart overflows and fills up your soul. Or when your children blossom and grow and learn something new and you are just in awe at this amazing little being that God blessed you with. Those are the things that make being a mother worth every sibling argument, every spill on the clean carpet, and every wooden block that you step on in the middle of the night. Being a mother is amazing and fulfilling and it is one of life’s greatest blessings.
You are also an amazing, imperfect woman. A woman after Christ who strives to live in Him, and stumbles on occasion, but she picks herself right back up and pushes on through with perseverance and grace. A woman that freaks out over life changes and has to have everything planned out now, but knows that trusting God is the best choice in the end. A woman that knows her body is far from being that of a model and no matter how many stretch marks, scars, or extra pounds she has, her body is one that bared children, and that makes her more beautiful than any Victoria’s Secret model. A woman who laughs too loud at the absolute dumbest jokes and cries too hard at any sort of romantic, fairy-tale movie. A woman that loves her companion unconditionally, with everything she has, no matter what sort of adversity life may throw at them. You are a woman that is beautiful and graceful and loved.
So for all of you mothers out there reading this, I say here is to you HOT MAMA because you do it all. You are strong and gorgeous and perfectly imperfect. That’s how God made you.

So for this week, Feed Yourself, Mama! with scripture and understanding and love. God made you beautifully. Don’t ever forget it. Happy Mother’s Day!

Proverbs 31:25-29 (NIV)
“She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come. She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction  is on her tongue. She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, as he praises her: ‘Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.”

Life is messy. It is chaotic, stressful, draining, nerve-racking, and any other negative adjective you can think of. It is also beautiful. Absolutely, amazingly beautiful. On a daily basis, we take the beauty of this gifted life for granted. Everything is work here, take the kids there, mow the lawn, walk the dogs, do the laundry, make dinner, wash the dishes, go shopping, pay the bills, and the list goes on and on. In the midst of all the hustle and bustle, we forget to fully appreciate all that God has given to us.
Today was one of my more messy days. I relaxed this morning, a little too long, and got behind on laundry and dishes and general clean up around the house.  Then the kids got home from school and it was homework and dinner and more homework and reading and jammies and bed. WHEW! There is never a dull moment in the life of a single mother, that’s for sure. However, let me tell you what I did during the time I took to relax: I spent time with the Lord. I grabbed my cup of coffee, sat out on the back patio, and invited him to have coffee on the porch with me. It was time well spent. We talked about love and the beauty in finding someone to spend this life with. We talked about friendship and how friends enrich your life in a way that no one else can. We talked about patience, or my lack there of to be more precise, and how it goes hand in hand with perseverance. We talked about being a mother and the joy that children bring to the heart. We talked about leading children in Christ and by doing so, they will teach their children and their children’s children. We talked about the beautiful imperfectness of life. We spent time reading different passages in the Bible and discussing how they apply to my life. It was the best quiet time I have had in a long time. So good, in fact, I am quite sunburned from staying out on the patio for so long. That precious quiet time filled my heart and gave me everything I needed to not only get through the day, but also gave me the wonderful moment that I am sharing with you right now.
You see, God doesn’t care how messy your life is. He doesn’t care if your laundry is done or if dinner is 20 minutes late or if you have last night’s dishes piled up in the sink. All he asks for is your heart and your time. Give him that and he will give you everything you need and more than you could ever imagine. There is a strength that comes from the simplicity of spending time with God. It fills every part of you, so much so that it will overflow into others. Use him as the nourishment for your heart and soul. Feed yourself with the word of God. In doing so, you will always find yourself healthy and others around you will find themselves with the hunger as well.
I like to think of this life as a beautiful mess. It gets stressful and draining and some days you just want to throw in the towel, but then something happens. Whether it is a child’s laughter, a hug from a friend, a kiss from a loved one, or time with the God who matters most, something comes along that makes the struggle and the stress and the chaos worth it all. You can’t fully appreciate the life God has given you, until you have walked through the pain, no matter how small or great it is.
I hope that you all can find the time to spend with our Lord. There is truly nothing like it.
So, it’s about time you stop the spiritual hunger and Feed Yourself, Girl! Life is beautifully messy once you do…

Psalm 31:24 (NIV)
“Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the Lord.”

“Coffee on the porch”, one of my favorite pastimes. My very best friend of seventeen years, Michelle, and I started this therapeutic tradition almost by accident. We were at a huge turning point in our lives three years ago. She had just moved back home to Colorado from Ohio, and I had just moved back from Kansas.  We would sit on the porch of my then-rented home with two mugs of hot, delicious coffee and discuss the ups and downs of life, our stumbles and our strengths, and how the circumstances of our lives had brought us back together. It was our own little fellowship and it was amazing. Coffee on the porch = good for the soul.

This morning I am having coffee on the porch solo (unless you count the two pound chiweenie dog next to me). I am at a turning point in my life, yet again, and have had some amazing moments of self-discovery; especially recently. I have stumbled as much as I have walked straight. I have pushed at people I care about and realized it has gone on for far too long. It’s a pattern. A pattern I am going to break.

Let me give you a little insight: I used to be the one being pushed at. Constantly. And I would do nothing to stop it. I couldn’t stand up for myself . How pathetic. Finally, after my last marriage ended I made myself a promise: I would not be pushed around. Ever again.

I stuck to that promise, a little to well, because now I was the one pushing.

I would push friendships and relationships to the breaking point if I didn’t know where they were going. I would push at people, thinking there was strength in testing relationships. I needed to know if it was worth my time. I needed to be loved on. I needed an answer now. I am not going to let anyone hurt me again. I am not on anybody else’s time. I thought if people didn’t see it from my point of view then they weren’t worth my time. I thought it was time for people to bend for me because I was always the one bending for everybody else. I. I. I. I. I. I was selfish and I was weak.

I didn’t look to Christ for the love and the strength that I so desperately needed. So I pushed the people I cared about the most, trying to get something that they could never give me.

I needed Christ. I needed grace and mercy. I needed patience and perseverance. I needed strength. I needed love.

I know now that Christ will give me everything I need and more than I could ever imagine. I know that my faith in Him isn’t just a belief that something greater exists, it is a relationship that can stand the test of time. A relationship that is full of strength and love and grace and mercy. I know that He has been, and will be, there through everything I have, and will, experience. I know that if I trust in Him and love Him, He will give me all I need for this life.

Simply stated: He is all you need. I have learned that strength doesn’t lie in pushing. Strength lies in having faith and trust in the Lord to give you the patience and the perseverance you need to overcome life’s many obstacles.

Now I can begin to pour into other’s lives and give back to those I care about little by little. I will let my heart overflow into their lives. If I can make a difference in one person’s life through Christ, well, to me that’s pretty amazing.

So as I continue with this turning point in my life, I am thankful to Him. Thankful for the love and life that He has given me. Thankful for the pieces of my life that I get to share with you each week. Thankful for the strength, patience and perseverance He has instilled in me. Thankful for the time I get to fellowship through moments like “coffee on the porch”, even if it is with a two pound cheweenie dog.

I am thankful, always, and I will persevere as long as I have Him.

As always, Feed Yourself, Girl! There is an amazing strength in being spiritually full.

1 Peter 1:6-9 (NIV)
“In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith-of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire-may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls.”

Someone once told me that accepting Christ was kind of like putting on a new robe. At first, it feels amazing. It’s fuzzy and warm and everything just feels oh-so-right. Then for some, the robe starts to feel a bit too heavy. So heavy, that you find yourself with the urge to shrug it off, even if only for a little while. After some time, you begin to feel cold, lonely, and you just want the warmth of that robe again. You put it right back on. Ahhhh…instant gratification, right?

WRONG!

Accepting Christ isn’t disposable. It is not some article of clothing that you can shrug on and off at your convenience. You can’t just be a Christian when it suits you. Accepting Christ is a FOREVER commitment. Yep. Girl, you’re in it for the long haul with Him.

There are times that all of us (and don’t you dare say, “Oh, not me…”) that we all wish we could shrug off the weight of Christianity. Just for a bit. Just so we can do whatever it is we want to do without the guilt or pressure. Well sister, this where FAITH and TRUST come in.

FAITH in a God that is and always will be. Faith that He knows what is best for you and for me, regardless of what our mortal minds think or try to control.

TRUST in a God that has a plan for you. Trust that He has an ultimate plan. That plan may not be what you’d like right now, but it will far exceed what you ever expected in the end.

How do I know, you ask?

Well, guess what? I don’t.

HOWEVER, I have a faith and a trust in my God that He is and always will be. A knowledge that He knows what is best for me.

Here’s a little truth: I was a woman with the robe.

I was raised Lutheran and only used it when it suited me.

I have screwed up my life royally in the very short 30 years I have been on this earth. I have shrugged off the robe of Christ and even fallen completely off the wagon of Christianity. I have made some AWFUL decisions. From drinking at the age of 15, to getting pregnant at 17, to burning through a marriage by the age of 26, and to turning my back on my God when my 5 year old was diagnosed with leukemia. Oh yeah, I went way off the path of trusting God.

Then one day, in the midst of what I thought was the beginning of a nasty custody battle, I realized I truly missed my relationship with God. I missed loving Him and talking to Him and worshiping Him. I missed the joy that I would feel on Christmas when we celebrated His birth and I missed the sorrow and the tears I felt on Good Friday when Christ died on the cross. I missed Him and I missed His love. He deserves all of me for all that He has given.

On December 4, 2011, I was baptized for the second time in my life. I will never forget that day. It was the beginning of a new life. A new, amazing life that I want to live for Him. One that I will cherish until I find myself at Heaven’s Gates.

I know that I have a lot to still learn and to build on as a new adult Christian. I know that I am going to slip and fall flat on my face. But I don’t want to be the woman with the robe anymore. I want to be the woman with Christ in Me. I want to know that I will put my trust into God and that I will develop and unshakable faith in Him. Most of all, I want to know that when I do stumble, that I will land safely in the arms of grace.

I know I have the start of a good foundation.

As I leave you, please remember this: Feed yourself with faith and trust everyday. Feed yourself with scripture. These are the foundations of your relationship with your God.

You don’t just eat once a week…
So, Feed Yourself, Girl! 

Colossians 2:6-7 (NIV)
“So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness.”

I have had the desire to write a book for awhile now, but the busyness of life and the chasing of children have left book writing moments to be precious and few (this is why the blog is more appealing). When the idea first started, I thought the title of the book would be God Did because I had a fire inside to write about how faithful God was even in the hardships that my family and I have endured. He always did for us, even when we didn’t deserve it.

Then I thought, that just doesn’t sound right.

Yes, God did for us in every situation, but God is ever-present so He always does.

Now that, that is a more fitting title. God Does.

God does. Even when we don’t. And sometimes in the midst of the hardships we create or in the middle pain we endure God’s sovereignty is hard to see and feel. In those moments of despair we cry out to the Lord. Father, help me. Ease my suffering, take my pain, heal my heart.  And maybe we feel alone, maybe unworthy, maybe lost, maybe angry, maybe unloved, maybe abandoned, maybe insecure, maybe unsure. But God never leaves us or forsakes us (Deuteronomy 31:6). In those moments, in our cries of desperation, our faith is defined.

God does from the beginning to the end and from the happy to the sad and every single moment in between. He brings a peace that surpasses all understanding (Philippians 4:6-7). He provides for us and strengthens us (Philippians 4:11-13). He loves us when it seems no one else does and when we even find it hard to love ourselves (Romans 8:31-39). He uses our pain and our suffering for good (Romans 8:28).

We all have someone we know (family, friend, coworker, or even our own self) who is facing some sort of suffering, some form of pain. They are facing battles that only God can carry them through. And oh He does. He does for us in his beautiful, graceful, loving sovereign way until the day we are called home. We just have to chose to accept it.

I don’t know how long it will be before this book is a reality. I don’t know what the cover will look like or how the words will flow or if it will even sell. I just know the title is God Does because I have lived to see the beauty of His work. And I know that whatever becomes of the words that are put on paper, they will be to His glory alone. God does in every area of life. In your life, in my life, and in your neighbors life.

He does. So let Him.

One of my absolute favorite stories in the Bible is in the New Testament: The Conversion of Saul. What an amazing example of what faith in Jesus Christ can do to a person. Seriously. Wow.

So often we put conditions on our faith that we lose sight of what God is doing in our lives. Or we expect God to bless us so that our faith can grow stronger…..WHAT??? Ridiculous, right? I know, but we do these things because we are messy, selfish, imperfect human beings.

Let’s take a look at Saul (who becomes Paul). Here is a man who is binding and murdering Christians and ravaging churches. A soldier who is trained to HATE everything that Christians stand for. Yet, GOD USES HIM. When Jesus meets Saul on the road, Saul immediately asks, “Who are you, Lord?” OH MY GOODNESS! Why did he even need to ask, for Saul calls Jesus out by name IMMEDIATELY! YES! That’s it! Saul knows. He knows the Almighty immediately and in that moment, in his blindness, his faith is born. And as Saul is sitting in a house, blind and fasting, his faith is again confirmed when Jesus sends Ananias to lay his hands on him and heal his blindness. LIFE CHANGING.

God meets us where we are at and He doesn’t just hand us faith through all of the good, warm fuzzies. He BUILDS our faith through the junk, for it is in that where we seek Him, depend on Him, and see His glory. When we are lost and suffering and there is nowhere to turn, God says, “Here I am. I love you. I can fix it if you just let me.” And just like Ananias, God works through other people to help us, to lead us, to love us. That is where so much of God’s glory shines through. So often we get caught up in our own humanness during trial, that we are blind to God when it is in those times we should cry out, LORD I NEED YOU! I need you everyday of my life. When we come upon adversity and things look really bleak, GOD IS OUR SILVER LINING. The fact that He is working in us, growing our faith, making us who He has called us to be is the MOST. BEAUTIFUL. THING.

So as you go about your daily life today, know there will be struggles. Some may seem minor and some will be major, but seek God in those moments. Build your faith, for that is what He is asking for.

Dear Heavenly Father: You are glorious and amazing. Daily, I fall short of you. I know today I will fail and I will struggle. In those moments, I ask for You. I ask to seek you so that You may help me to continue to build my faith in you. So that I can be changed, though I am a broken person. Thank you Lord for Your grace, Your love, and Your Mercy. I am not deserving of it, but oh how I accept it with arms wide open. In Jesus Heavenly name I pray, Amen.

1 John 5:4 (ESV) “For everyone who has been born of God overcomes the world. And this is the victory that has overcome the world-our faith.”