Monthly Archives: December 2020

Sometimes an empty table is the greatest blessing you can have…

Do you ever have those moments when you realize that you will never grasp the truly complete fullness of God?

Yeah, me too. All the time.

He is so sovereign and so massive, I don’t think I will ever be able to grasp His fullness. And I don’t know if we are meant to.

But today He blessed me with a very large, full part of how truly great He is. And He did it while I stared at an empty table.

First of all let me tell you, our home isn’t huge, and I have lots of furniture and what-not everywhere. But it’s our home and God has blessed us so abundantly. Well, today my gracious husband allowed me to use his manly, rustic, woodsy-themed man cave to host a ladies brunch. Because undoubtedly it’s the only room in the house big enough to accompany 15 women. So, by 11 a.m. this man cave adorned copious amounts of pink things, fufu stuff, floral arrangements, scones, and cupcakes. Bless this man’s heart and I thank the Lord for him. He gave up his man cave so I could do girl things.

That’s love y’all.

I was blessed by some very dear ladies from my church family during our brunch time. And when I say ladies from my church family, I mean the multi-cultural, multi-generational, all differences aside, let’s be the church type of family. They allowed me to serve them, to talk with them, to share with them, to laugh with them, and to cry with them.

And oh did God move.

Two and a half hours later I stood in the basement alone looking at the chairs left haphazardly from my sisters leaving, flowers, plates, and cups still on the table. Not a soul around. The Empty Table. And I felt God’s fullness more than I had in a long time. Where two or three are gathered in my name, there I am with them. Matthew 18:20

Oh yes Lord, you were. And we are thankful.

You see, that empty table at the end of our time together stood as a symbol. A symbol of togetherness. A symbol of love. With all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love. Ephesians 4:2 You see, I in no way set that table. No ma’am. God did. He set it and then He blessed it.

I am so thankful for the women God has put in my life. He knows the vessels we need in our life. The people willing to speak truth to us, encourage us, cry with us, and just do all-around life with us.

He knows. Completely.

The table is an important symbol in our homes, our churches, our missions, and our lives. We invite others around them. They are intimate symbols of doing life together. Though at some point that table will be empty, God shows us that the people we have invited and loved around that table leaves an everlasting imprint.

Dear Loving Father,

Thank you for your sovereignty, your love, and your grace, Lord.  Today I pray for my sister. That she may seek you in all she does, Lord. Please give her peace, protection, perseverance, and wisdom in her daily life Lord. And Lord, please guide her in continuing to be a blessing in her home, her church, her career, and her mission. Lord I ask that you bless her table and those she invites around it.

In Jesus name,

Amen

P.S. Lord, bless the husbands who put their man stuff aside so out of love for their wives so that we may do girl things. They are a true blessing.

A couple weeks ago I had mentioned talking about inadequacy. As I sat down to put pen to paper that is EXACTLY what I felt. Inadequate. I could have positioned myself to write about anything else this evening. And yet the only thing I could muster up were thoughts of inadequacy.

So…here we are (insert awkward silence here). Yep, awkward.

We can feel so inadequate can’t we? We aren’t thin enough or we don’t have curves in the right places. We aren’t smart enough or successful enough. We don’t have a glamourous job. We wore jeans to church instead of something more “appropriate”. We don’t have a spotless home. We aren’t creative or crafty enough. We don’t cook supper on time. We aren’t fashionably sensible. We aren’t in the right “friend group.” We aren’t well-liked. We can’t get these KIDS under control. We must be empowered by the world’s standards. These are real insecurities we face, THEY ARE NOT TRIVIAL because they weigh on us almost daily. Not to mention the insecurities can run into our faith as well. We are too broken. We don’t pray enough. We don’t serve enough. We don’t sit in awe enough. We don’t worship enough. We aren’t deserving enough of God’s love.

Do any of these sound familiar to you? Yeah, me too girl. I wrestle daily with where the heck the world’s standards and God’s standards meet…when I know they don’t.

But honestly, today I felt completely inadequate as I sat down to write. I went to church and felt like I looked ok. I cooked for others and my family. I spent time with loved ones and tended to animals. I did homework that was due and wrote down my weekly to-do. All the things the world says I should do decently, I did. And yet…the inadequacy I felt when I wanted to write about ANYTHING BUT inadequacy was too strong to ignore.

So I turned on Here Again and sat in stillness and listened (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HyjdUKMSM4E).

I’m not enough unless You come, will you meet me here again? Cause all I want is all You are, will You meet me here again?

God said, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”

And I sat here in my weakness and inadequacy, completely in awe of God’s message.

I am inadequate. I was born into sin. I have a sinful nature. And I will never live up to the world’s standards. But guess what? I am redeemed. I am loved. I am a child of a loving Father. And all I have to do is ask God to show up in my inadequateness, AND THEN….then I become more than enough. I become strong. I become wise. I become joyful. I become gentle. I become humble. I become adequate. All because of God’s presence. All because of God’s love. All because of God’s sovereignty. My inadequacy is a vessel for His power.

Why in the rush do we forget God’s sovereignty? Where in the worry of keeping up with the narrative as women do we lose God’s love? What do we gain from keeping up with the world? Let me clarify this for you – We are inadequate as servants of the Lord and we need Him to be completely adequate, however; WE WILL NOT COUNT OURSELVES INADEQUATE BY THE WORLD’S STANDARDS ANY LONGER. The world didn’t make us so why does the world get to set our standards? Exactly. The world doesn’t. Its time to put your foot down sister, and use God’s power to do it.

Sit in stillness. Listen to His voice. For my power is made perfect in weakness. It’s time for us to see ourselves through the eyes of the God. Its time to embrace the inadequateness that only God can shape into a completeness and let go of living by the standard of the world. We have to hold tight to the truth of who God says we are. And if we can’t see it, ask God to reveal all the beauty and mess of what God made. Write it down and share it. I’d LOVE to read it. Where you see yourself as broken, find a masterpiece. When you see yourself as unworthy, see the daughter of the Most High. When you see yourself as weak, see His strength. When you find yourself alone, He calls you “mine.” When you find yourself hurting and forsaken, see the love, compassion, and mercy He equipped you with.

God’s power is sovereign. Use it and stop living by the standard of the world. God has a plan for your inadequateness, and it is going to be beautiful.

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for good and not evil, for hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

I have recently been using the phrase, “God meets us in our messes and He loves us right out of them.” That phrase came into my thought process, like a flood of goodness, mercy, and grace in one simple and powerful sentence. And it wasn’t when I was praying or having quiet time or being a “good Christian.” That phrase came through in my distant numbness from God. It was a God-given gift.

We can get ourselves into quite the messes can’t we? And our messes involve a lot of junk like uncertainty, hurt, anger, fear, loss, sorrow, sin, pride…you name it and its there. And sometimes our messes just happen. Ones like accidents and illnesses that aren’t self-inflicted but still hurt nonetheless. And we still have to deal with them in all of our messy humanness.

In 2009, Katie’s cancer diagnosis and my divorce were happening at the same time. One was out of my control and the other, well I had choices to make and I chose what I thought was the right one. Neither would have been easy. I remember in the midst of my mess one day I was sitting at the kitchen table. I had just had another argument with the girls’ father and I was tired, distraught, and at the end of my rope. The uncertainty of illnesses and dealing with others had pushed me to break. As the sun was shining into the kitchen window and onto the floor directing its warmth around me, I hit my knees and cried out…when my heart is faint. Lead me to the Rock that is higher than I…

My life changed that day. I didn’t see it then, nor did I see it a year later. But oh do I see it now.

This week I have thought a lot about where our faith lies in times of uncertainty when we are scared, worried, and weak. I have also noticed some around me pondering on the same question in one way or another. And honestly, hasn’t that been the theme of 2020? Uncertainty. Politics…uncertainty. COVID…uncertainty. Riots…uncertainty. Personal life…uncertainty. And all I can think is Lead me to the Rock that is higher than I…

The truth is that in the depths of uncertainty we find our faith. And in our faith we find peace EVEN IF times are uncertain, EVEN WHEN we are in the mess, and EVEN WHILE we don’t know God’s plans. We KNOW who holds us. WE KNOW the One who is sovereign. We know where our refuge and our strength both lie. Lead me to the Rock that is higher than I…

We see uncertainty throughout the Bible that is counteracted by faith. We see it in Noah, Moses, David, Joshua, Job, Saul who became Paul, and Mary through arcs, giants, walls, hardships, blindness, and divine meetings.

God meets us in our messes and loves us right out of them because in the depths of our uncertainty is where we find our faith.

Psalm 61:1-3 Hear my cry, O God, listen to my prayer; from the end of the earth I call to you when my heart is faint. Lead me to the rock that is higher than I, for you have been my refuge, a strong tower against the enemy.