Monthly Archives: February 2021

Ok, I have been hammered with conviction this week. I am completely embarrassed to say, but last night after rolling blackouts, energy issues, and a polar vortex I took to social media to express my concerns. That was after I had emailed local and state government offering a “call to action to legislate at the state level against the dictatorship coming out of Washington D.C.”

Yep, those are the words I used in more than one emailed communication and on social media. And after, I was ashamed. Not because of hate from others or because I felt I was misinformed, but because I let worry drive my actions. I allowed myself to lose focus on what God is doing and tried to persuade others that are not persuadable, perceived wrong or not. I was driven by my own emotion.

How often do we do that? ALL THE TIME. And I am completely guilty of it. I worry about my job, the state of our country, my husband, my kids, you name it. And for what? What good does it do? None. Whatsoever. But I can just brush off the worry, right? No. No I cannot. When we face circumstances that are completely out of our hands, we worry. It is part of our broken nature. We tend to turn to our own human “power” because we have to “do something.” Worry ends up being that something.

And then, get this….we hold onto it. Like its some great treasure we found and we get to keep it and do whatever we want with it. “LOOK WHAT I FOUND! ITS WORRY AND ITS MINE! Isn’t it shiny and pretty??”

No Karen ( I love all Karens), worry is not shiny and pretty. Its awful. It hurts. It makes us sick, sinful. Worry says God is a liar, and that is a hard pill to swallow as a worrier. Convicted.

We like to tote worry around in our favorite handbag, murse (man purse for those that don’t know and yeah, its a thing), briefcase, or backpack. Then when we FINALLY decide to let it go, we hang on to one little strap so we can pull it back from God. “Ok God, this is not turning out like I thought, maybe I should just take it back. After all, its mine!” We become too focused on the issue, the pain, the loss, the unknown and we no longer trust the One who created us. Oh you of little faith.

Yeah, I went there.

“Lord, if it is you, command me to come to you on the water.” He said, “Come.” So Peter got out of the boat and walked on the water and came to Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid, and beginning to sink he cried out, “Lord, save me.” Jesus immediately reached out his hand and took hold of him, saying to him, “O you of little faith, why do you doubt?” Matthew 14:28-31

Peter called out to Jesus with enough faith to step out of the boat, yet as the situation called to anchor into that very faith, Peter started to worry, to doubt, to pull back and let the anxiousness of the situation take over instead of keeping his eyes on Jesus. And yet even as he sank, he cried out for Jesus to save him. Oh, is that not us 100 times?! I often step out of the boat only to go buy my own yellow rubber ducky floaty that unknowingly has a hole in it and attempt to keep my head above water while steering my own course with one broken paddle. Behold! I am sinking in a rubber water fowl flotation device while rowing a very ridiculous circle! Look at me go!

Lets be honest. We look so absurd trying to do this life all. On. Our. Own. God says focus on Me. Use My yoke. Talk to Me. Cast your cares upon Me. Just let Me. Here is My peace. Here is My spirit. Here is My son. All for you because I am so in love with you. He offers us all of that even as we sink in our own mess of worry, in our own mess of sin.

God’s timing is amazing. In our worry and battles against self, He knows what we need exactly when we need it. As I am laying these thoughts out, my dear friend sends me this message even as she is in her own mess trying to keep focused on God and not her faulty floaty: “It may look like I’m surrounded, but I’m surrounded by You. This is how I fight my battles.”

YES! Exactly. We fight our battle of worry on our knees. Last night I fought it with a tongue that I should never have. I should have hit my knees. If I can’t hit my knees in small spats on social media because I am worried, am I going to do hit my knees when the big things come? Why do I think I can control the small things and only use God for the big things? That isn’t how He works. Philippians 4:6 says, Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made know to God.” Scripture doesn’t specify small or large. It doesn’t say come with anger but handle your worry on your own. It says IN EVERYTHING BY PRAYER. Why do we try to handle it any other way?

What do you need to give to God today? Put up the paddle and fix your eyes, girly!

I had not planned on writing anything on this blog for awhile. Why? Because I am working on another project that I should have started a year ago and didn’t. Now I am 20 pages into that project and it is liberating!

Ok, don’t get off track here Cindy.

I had not planned to write anything, and I am home sick. Its ok, it is only a head cold but I don’t want to go out in public and scare the masses with my sniffling and sneezing and swollen eyes during a pandemic. That would not be good.

God has laid something heavy on my soul and it needs to be shared.

We are all broken messes. We know that in our minds. BUT do you know that in your heart? Let me elaborate.

I used to think, oh yes, we are all broken messes. Yep. That’s right. God will fix us.

I knew it in my mind. But I didn’t know it in my heart. In the same breath that I proclaimed that God healed all of us broken messes, I would curse the drug addict living next door. I am not proud of it. In any way. But let me tell you how God can change a heart.

I have never liked neighbors that I have perceived to run drugs. I have smelled marijuana, seen needles lying around, and have found makeshift bongs in the trash. I have even seen people rummaging through my garbage for pills. I always feared for my kids and the security of our home. YET I never did anything about it except maybe call the cops a couple times.

“Normal”, right? Yep.

But I was made to be set apart, not normal.

One day I was working at a home who’s owner had just died, painting with others because the exterior was in desperate need of a face lift. It was warm out and I was getting thirsty and hungry. The back door opened and I was handed a glass that held a watermelon margarita by a man who had a humbled look on his face. I knew this individual was an addict. I’d seen it, seen the evidence. I had expected the loathing to well up inside of me, but it didn’t. In that moment I saw a man who had just lost the mother that he loved and he was offering a gift of gratitude. I no longer saw an addict.

That was the first time God softened my heart to addicts.

Not long after my gratitude encounter I was sitting in a booth at a restaurant doing Bible study. An individual that worked there came over and started talking to me. I had talked to her many times before. But this time God had laid something on her heart. In the span of an hour I had heard about her struggle, her hurt, and how God released her from her addiction. It is one of the most powerful testimonies I had ever heard. She was radiant, and I knew what Light it was that she was projecting. It was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. You want to talk about eyes wide open and humbled. Wow.

That was the second time God softened my heart to addicts.

After those two encounters, I saw addiction and the people who struggled with it in a whole new light. God knew what I needed to be beautifully broken. I was defining God’s children by their addiction, not by who God made them to be.

But now. Now I see things so much more clearly. Addiction is a symptom of something greater. Hurt, trauma, whatever you want to call it. It is there. And those of us who are set apart are called to help the hurting.

I was the one who needed broken in that moment, not them. I was so conditioned to “normal” that I could not look past their addiction and my own selfish heart. We are called to be set apart. We are called to do the hard things. We are called to walk in the dark places shining the light of Christ. We are called to do the work with no conditions.

1 Peter 4:8 says Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins. Love covers a multitude of sins. Like when Christ died on the cross to wash ALL of our sins clean because he LOVED us unconditionally? Yes. Exactly like that. Jesus was not a conditional sacrifice. So who are we to pick and chose who we show Christ’s light to? We cannot.

Today I want to challenge you. Where does God need to beautifully break you? Where is your heart hard? Every beautifully broken piece is part of a testimony that God will use!

Galatians 2:20 I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.