Category Archives: Uncategorized

UNcomfortable

For the first time in my almost 43 years of existence, I am learning to be comfortable in my own skin. I am learning that I like a certain type of coffee prepared a certain way. My favorite color is forest green. I like to walk outside on cold mornings and breath in the air as the sun peaks over the horizon, it is so rejuvenating. And my socks…well they are a little pricy and their washing instructions are a little unconventional…but I don’t care. These socks are like fluffy little clouds for your feet.

If you have known me for a while, decades actually, you’d know that when asked my favorite color it would either change, or I would say all of them. I could see the beauty in all the colors God graced us with, and I still can, it’s just that I am partial to forest green.

These may seem like trivial items, but they aren’t when you dig deeper. Because over the course of my life I have always picked what I thought would please others or make them like me.

Growing up I was teased about my frizzy hair or my facial features that stood out or the size of my “childbearing” hips. I say growing up, but even as late as 30 I was described as having “frizzy hair” and a “deep voice” by women my own age. So, as I aged, I attempted to compensate what I thought were my deficiencies in myself with things like athletic talent and fashion. Boys. And those things weren’t necessarily what I wanted, but they were things that the world applauded.

As I hit my 30s, I then turned my worth to career success. I didn’t do too bad. I found out I picked up on things quickly. Through trial and error, I found I could be a decent leader (as long as I curbed some bluntness and made sure my facts were straight). But inside I was still insecure and vying for the approval of others.

Ultimately these things left me with a very skewed vision of where my worth comes from and who I truly am. I was a people pleaser that wanted to be included, and that gave my already anxious mind fuel.

I won’t tell you I was miserable. I wasn’t. But I was not fulfilled. And complete peace was elusive.

As I sit here today, I have a peace I have NEVER had before. One that is teaching me to be comfortable with who God has made me, frizzy hair and all.

Also, as I sit here, I begin to wonder how many of you women out there have struggled, or still struggle, with craving worldly affirmation and pleasing others? How many of you don’t really know who God made you to be? Just thinking about it breaks my heart.

There are a few very close to me that I know struggle.

So, if I struggle with it, and people I deeply care about struggle with it, then the chances are you are struggling with some form of it too.

It’s a prison that God never intended for us.

He intends for us to be authentic. He intends for us to be in Him. He intends for us to be real.

He intends for us to not be anxious. I mean, He spells it out pretty clearly…

DO NOT BE ANXIOUS.

BUT HOW. It is SO HARD to change after 40 something years of doing the same thing and acting the same way because we don’t know what else to do.

I could type out a BUNCH of scripture here to line out what God says. You need it. It is the MOST VITAL piece as you walk this road. But I will not type it out here because I want you to open your Bible. Instead, I am going to ask that you read ALL of Matthew 6 in the Message version and pray when you are done. I am going to remind you that you were knit together in your mother’s womb and that you are fearfully and wonderfully made.

The HOW of getting to the side of peace is the hardest part. It is so simple and so profound.

LET GO. RELEASE CONTROL.

Scary right? It was for me too. But staying where I was, anxious and stressed, was scarier than releasing it all. I had to release the fear of judgement. I had to release the fear of abandonment. I had to release the fear of being disposable. I had to release the fear of not being accepted. I had to release the fear of no longer being loved. I had to release the fear of being ridiculed. I held on to them so tightly I was allowing them to become part of my identity.

God DID NOT build those fears into me when He made me.

Author and speaker John Delony like to use the phrase, “Choose your hard.” He’s right. It’s hard to live in fear and it’s hard to release it. The difference in choosing your hard, is the where the presence of peace lies.

I changed my hard by closing my eyes and pictured myself handing it all to God. Raising my arms in the air, standing on my tippy toes, and simply handing it over to Him. Then right after that, I look back at ALL of the hurts and hurdles that God has seen me through. With some of them I should have been homeless or dead. But HE was, and still is, faithful. I then rest in the fact that even though I don’t know what the future holds, He does, and He has brought me this far without fail. He won’t start failing now.

I read, I journal, and I talk to God constantly. And this is how I have found the peace that was so elusive for far too long. I was tired of being uncomfortable and pleasing others. It was hard to change my way of thinking, but now I have peace in living out who God made me to be.

Not that I don’t still backtrack, because I do. I get anxious, a little depressed, a little fearful.

Even more, though, I don’t want to go back to the person who lived in fear of hurt. I don’t want to be the person who doesn’t know what socks she likes and how she prefers her coffee. I like knowing what my favorite color is.

If you are struggling today with insecurity, anxiety, self-worth, and craving worldly affirmations, hit your knees and seek God. Read Matthew 6. You are not alone.

God, thank you for the way you knit us together so intimately and purposefully. Today I lift up the woman reading these words to you. I pray that she finds peace. I pray that she chooses the hard that offers her that peace. I pray that she seeks you when she is weak and praises you when she is strong. And most of all, God, I pray that she releases her fears to you and allows you to weave Your peace through her heart. In Jesus name, I pray. Amen.

Seat Me Next To Matthew

I cannot tell you the number of times I have read over this passage. It is short, simple, and to the point. Basically, Jesus calls Matthew to follow him, and later they gather for dinner at someone’s house where the Pharisees try to crash the party. That’s it.

But this morning as I was reading my devotions, this simple passage brought me to tears. Especially the end of verse 13.

Matthew 9:9-13, “As Jesus passed on from there, he saw a man called Matthew sitting at the tax booth, and he said to him, ‘Follow me.’ And he rose and followed him.

And as Jesus reclined at a table in the house, behold, many tax collectors and sinners came and were reclining with Jesus and his disciples, ‘Why does your teacher eat with tax collectors and sinners?’ But when he heard it, he said, ‘Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. Go and learn what this means. I desire mercy, and not sacrifice. For I came not to call the righteous, but sinners.'”

I do NOT want to walk through my life not being at that table. There is not a one of us who is righteous on our own. It is ALL through Christ.

But there are days when I get frustrated or ‘puffed up’ and I FORGET what table I should be eating at. I push away from my plate and stand up, asking questions and pointing fingers to the others around the table. I’d rather “sacrifice” someone than offer them the same mercy that has been shown to me.

And you know what really convicts me? If I DON’T offer mercy, and I profess to be a follower of Christ, they may not want to sit at that table. They may turn away from what is offered there because of MY self-righteousness. AND THEY SHOULD BE THERE, just as I should.

I don’t want to be the reason someone doesn’t sit at the table, Christ should be the reason why we ALL sit at the table.

So today, I am going to take my seat next to Matthew and his friends. I am going to reach out to someone that I have been struggling with, and I encourage you to do the same. I am going to invite them to sit next to me, as I take my spot next to the tax collector.

Submissive Wife

If you’re reading this, it’s because I knew that title would catch your attention.

Don’t be mad, bruh. Its not what you think.

I want to talk to the wives. Yep, every single one of you. This post may spark some debate, some irritation, some conversation, and some thinking. And that is ok. Just don’t leave here mad.

When we see the phrase “submissive wife” it likely ignites some discomfort inside of each one of us. But what God meant in that phrase and how the world portrays it are 2 VERY different things.

Let’s give some context here.

In the book of Genesis, God made man and noticed it wasn’t good for him to be alone (Genesis 2:18). So, God made a helper for him, but not just any helper. A gap filler. A helper fit for man. An ezer in Hebrew. So God made woman. Not only did God refer to woman as ezer, but HIMSELF as well.

I know what you’re thinking. So, you’re telling me that God used the same word to refer to woman as a helper as he uses to refer to Himself as a helper?

Yep, that’s exactly what I’m saying.

Right off the bat, God doesn’t give us a light task. We are to do all the things that man can’t do, hence why I referred to us as “the gap filler.” We have our own set of unique and God-given strengths, abilities, roles, and callings. We fill the gaps in a way no one else can. We bring all of that uniqueness into a union that God created so that it was COMPLETE and reflected HIS glory.

Why would I want to be equal to a man when God made me unique?

Let’s look at the well-known Proverbs 31. This chick does it all! She is a businesswoman, a creator, a nurturer, a chef, a seamstress, a farmer, and a humanitarian. She is strong and dignified and true. She is living out who God made her to be, and in turn it says she is PRAISED and TRUSTED IN by her husband.

What?!

See, biblical women weren’t weak. The Proverbs 31 woman sure wasn’t. Deborah, Ruth, Mary, Rahab, and Esther were all strong, formidable women.

So why do we have to be “submissive?”

Because there are some burdens, decisions, and family values that God designed the husband to carry, not the wife. Just as God made us with our unique features and abilities, so he made the male species with theirs. Part of that is to be the “final say.” Not in a domineering and prideful way, but it a way that reflects the heart of God, glorifies God, and leads his family.

Men carry some heavy stuff, God-given stuff, that they will have to stand before God and account for. Is that something that you want? To try to carry something you weren’t designed for?

I sure don’t.

Submission doesn’t mean keeping your mouth shut, not chasing passions God has placed for you and in you and walking out being “just the housewife.” No. Our job is to come with humble wisdom to our husband, to show Christ to our husband, to build him up, to respect him, to GAP FILL. And in turn, our needs are meant through love and security, trust and praise from our spouse.

A uniqueness only God could design for each.

As you look at the way God built us in Genesis, and at the way the woman walks out her calling in Proverbs, we have a very clear and distinct call as a female. We still have a say. We can still be ambitious in our careers. We can still raise our families. We can still create, be leaders in the world, and give wisdom.

But we are also set apart. I mean, we can grow other lives in our bodies. What a beautiful and joyful calling that is EXCLUSIVE to how God made us.

We must let our men be men. Let them lead and let them love. Being a “submissive wife” is not what the world has made it out to be.

It is the most unique and fulfilling experience we could embark upon.

My prayer today for all of us is that we can walk as God built us, called us, and showed us. That we can build up our spouses with respect, filling the gaps as the ezer God created us to be.

God knows what he’s doing.

Proverbs 31:10-12 – An excellent wife, who can one find? She is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not harm all the days of her life.

Choose The Good Portion

This is just this morning. Barely made bed, laundry everywhere. Definitely dog hair on the floor. This is real life. And that’s ok. You know what else is ok? Keeping a spotless house. That is ok too. I, however, am not one of those people.

Oh, what a time we live in. As women, the world calls us to be all and do all: be the boss at work, keep a spotless house, workout daily, raise your kids perfectly, cook Insta-worthy meals, please your man, do all the things, be all the things…and while you are at it…throw some self-care in there.

Don’t forget to post your perfect life across your socials.

Wow.

The world has given us the perfect recipe to breed anxiety and depression. And it shows.

I would be willing to bet that the woman sitting next to you on your morning commute or in the coffee shop or across from you at the salon or the one you follow on the InstaFaceTok is feeling the Exact. Same. Thing.

Pressure. Pressure to keep up, to perform, to be the perfect mom, wife, daughter, friend, Christian, fitness guru, and chef. And the pressure to show everyone the perfection.

But guess what?

YOU DON’T HAVE TO LIVE THAT WAY.

Yep, I said it. The world’s way of life steals your peace, wrecks your joy, and kills your sanity. And you don’t have to take it.

You can choose the Good Portion.

You may know the story of Mary and Martha in Luke 10. If you don’t, read Luke 10:38-42. Even if you know it, read it again. Martha welcomes Jesus into her house, and she is being all the things and doing all the things like a good and gracious host does. But her sister, Mary…Mary does none of that. She sits at the feet of Jesus. And as Martha sees what Mary is doing, she complains to Jesus, “My sister is not helping me be all the things and do all the things. Aren’t you going to do something?”

I LOVE Jesus’s response here. “Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion which will not be taken away from her.” Luke 10:41-42.

Martha is being all the things and doing all the things and Jesus refers to her as anxious and troubled.

That is eye opening.

Then he talks about Mary and choosing the Good Portion. Lightbulb!

So, you’re saying that I can leave the dishes in the sink and sit and the feet of Jesus and not have to feel guilty about it?!

That, my dear, is exactly what I am saying.

We are so culturally obsessed about being perfect and showing others that we are perfect that we forget about the Good Portion. We don’t have to carry ANY of that. Jesus was, is, and will always be the only perfect one. You and I were not created that way so why are we acting like we are?

Sister, I do not know why we feel that pressure. I know I feel it, sometimes daily. But then I remember to sit at the feet of Jesus. That is where my peace comes from. I do not have to have a spotless house or cook a 4-course meal daily. I just have to be a good steward of what God has given me. He knows I will not be perfect at it; I just need to cherish it. He just wants our time and our heart. The Good Portion.

So, as you go about starting your day tomorrow, feed yourself, girl with the Good Portion. Sit at the feet of Jesus and ask Him what your day should look like. He is not asking you to be it all and do it all. That’s his job.

And he certainly isn’t asking you to post it all.

He is asking you, though, to give it all. Your life, to Him. It gets much lighter when we do.

I hope as you walk through the week, you sit at the feet of Jesus, give your burdens to God, and choose the Good Portion.

Matthew 11:28-30 Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.

Close Proximity

It’s a rainy and glorious Saturday morning in Western Kansas. For weeks we have endured 100+ degree heat and MAN it was a brutal for a span. But for the past 2 days, God has gifted us with lower temperatures and a handful of nice, gentle rains. This morning has been one of those mornings you want to sit in the stillness and peace of God’s presence as the rain drizzles outside the window. A morning that is slow to build between breakfast, coffee, devotions, reflection, and the Spirit. There are no demands waiting to be met or schedules needing attended to. It is simply, and profoundly, peaceful.

As I sat and reflected on different aspects of this mornings devotion, I recalled memories of how God has continually worked His plan within my life in such close proximity, it has left me in awe and wonder. I am humbled in the way in which He does this, so effortlessly, so constantly, and so boldly.

The first memory that I recollected was in my “coming back.” The same day I hit my knees in desperation on that kitchen floor I’ve talked about so any times, was the same day I sought a church. Going back to church is not only invigorating, but intimidating. All the thoughts ran through my mind, Will it be crowded? Will I be accepted? God, please send someone so I don’t feel so awkward! And oh he did. The following Sunday I walked into Chapel Hills Church in Colorado Springs. I was early enough that the worship team was still practicing and it wasn’t too crowded in the foyer yet. As I walked in, there stood a man with greying hair and a warm smile. “Hi, I am Pastor Roy!”

WHAT?! Not only did God send someone to greet me, He sent THE PASTOR OF THE CHURCH. You can’t tell me that wasn’t divine. That church, that congregation, is where my faith came flooding back and I was no longer ignorant and oblivious to God’s hand.

The next memory that came to mind was about 11 years later. Not that God’s divine orchestration and intervention was silent or nonexistent in those 11 years, it has always been present as I look back. Its just this is where my obedience comes into play to be able to really watch Him work from a front row seat.

In 2022 I took an EMT-B class. In that class there was a young woman named Sadie who reminded me a lot of my oldest daughter, Audra. Something about Sadie tugged and tugged and tugged at me until one day I asked her if I could hug her. She warmly welcomed my gesture, and that was the day God started to change both of our lives. I don’t want to give away Sadie’s testimony. BUT WOW. Between a trip to Topeka, multiple seizures, a few hospital trips, and one POWERFUL women’s event at our church, I watched Sadie’s life CHANGE. I watched her hold out her hands with almost an entire box of used tissues in them, in full acceptance of Christ. I have been humbled and blessed to watch God turn her sadness into joy, turn her sickness into healing, and her sin into triumph over the past 18 months.

And I still get to watch Him work in her, even just today. She now gets to minister to others, and I get to watch!

Then this week He did something else! I know, its just like Him isn’t it?

When Katie was going through her battle with leukemia, my friend Michelle and I would have “Coffee On The Porch.” This was a time for us to sit and talk about life. A sort of inexpensive (we drank Folgers) and largely healing therapy. And at the time, BOY did I need it. I wasn’t close to God at that point in life, but those times with Michelle were so special and helped me get through some of the roughest times. As I have reflected on that precious season with her, I thought, If Coffee On The Porch was that helpful to me, imagine what it would do when you get a group of God-fearing women together and invite the Holy Spirit. NOW THATS THERAPY!

So last week I reached out to a few of my lady friends, and we got together. I thought it would be just a nice time of fellowship that we could do occasionally, as needed.

HA! God has other ideas. He BROUGHT it. The close proximity blessing that only comes with obedience to Him.

He is taking a group of women and BUILDING SOMETHING. Community. Life. Truth. AND WOW.

I have no words.

Again, he is working in such CLOSE PROXIMITY of this life, of MY life, that I cannot deny Him and I cannot not be obedient.

Sometimes I have to pinch myself. It feels so surreal that the God of all the UNIVERSE is doing THINGS in the life of someone who hasn’t always been obedient, who has strayed, who has sinned, and who has no strength to carry her own burdens.

But it isn’t about our strength, is it? Its about our OBEDIENCE. When we are obedient, God works in VERY close proximity of our lives. It is in obedience that we experience Him intimately. It is in our obedience that we have peace that surpasses all understanding and the fullness of joy.

In our obedience we get to truly experience the God of everything in close range.

Luke 11:28 says, “But he said, “Blessed rather are those who hear the word of God and keep it!” And its true! When we walk as we are told, we get to experience the blessing of CLOSE PROXIMITY.

Faith grows abundantly here.

My prayer for you today is that you experience the close proximity of God as you walk in obedience. Watching God work at such a near range is not only humbling, but overwhelmingly full of joy. Like watching a new born baby take its first breath or watching Jesus leave the 99 to rescue the 1.

So today, pray over your obedience. Pray for God to make your steps clear.

feed yourself, girl! with obedience and truth so that you may intimately experience the blessing of close proximity.

Love Like Jesus

“Do unto others…” is a prominent scripture that is used in giving advice, or living by a life motto, or even in dealing with difficult people. But when we really look at how we treat others, do we treat them they way their actions may deserve, or do we do unto others as Jesus has done unto us?

Before I get too deep into this, I want to make known that I have failed at loving others correctly more than I have succeeded. I have offered hurt and have been hurt and I have been self-righteous in situations more than I care to admit. On the flipside, those mistakes have humbled me in ways I don’t think could have happened otherwise, and I don’t know that I would change it. I don’t know that I could. They have taught me more and more how to love like Jesus.

God specifically told us to do 2 things: 1. Love God; and 2. Love People. I don’t know about you, but number 1 is a lot easier than number 2. Number 2 gets messy. I mean really messy. And yet….God calls us to do this only second to loving Him. That makes it a pretty big deal.

So how do we love like Jesus? Because he doesn’t call us to love only the loveable. He calls us to love EVERYONE. Even the ones who persecute and reject us. The ones who are broken and bound by addiction. The ones who hurt us or someone we love. The ones who think they know it all. The ones who are sensitive. The ones who are hard. God’s love isn’t conditional, ours shouldn’t be either.

On one of our more recent trips to Kansas City, Katie was unexpectedly admitted into the hospital after another bout of pancreatitis. As I was unpacking our things to do laundry in the parent room, my finger caught something quite sharp in the pocket of Katie’s backpack. And that quite sharp thing was a fishhook. Yep, barb and all was in my pointer finger on my right hand. To this day, I still don’t know why Katie had it in there but she does have a thing for fishing…. Anyway, I rushed to the nurses station with tears in my eyes just to be told I had to go down to the ER. Yep, that’s right. I had to go to the ER, when I was already in the hospital, to get a fishhook removed while my sick child waited upstairs. I was frustrated to the point of tears.

As Kris and I walked into the ER, it was a warzone. My husband likes to say that the ER at Children’s Mercy was the most dangerous place in Kansas City that night, and I am sure he was right. I am not talking about physical violence, but biological warfare…oh yes. Kris and I sat down as they ran through triaging each patient and just watched the amount of mothers with babies in that ER. Across from us sat a young woman, I would guess to be in her early twenties, and her 18 month old son. It was like clockwork every 15-20 minutes that poor baby had some kind of fluid coming out both ends. Kris and I watched this for AT LEAST 3 hours. This poor mother, running to the bathroom with her son after he had thrown up and soiled himself, to clean them both up and then come back and clean up the waiting room where they sat. As I sat with my hooked finger above my heart, all I could think was, Isn’t there anyone here to help this woman?!

Even the volunteers at the kiosk did minimal to assist. I had had enough. So I walked up to the registration desk and asked for some Cavi Wipes and gloves and marched back to that momma. As she took her son into the bathroom for the umpteenth time to clean them both up, I heard my husband say to her, “Hang in there, mama,” and I proceeded to wipe vomit and diarrhea off of the ER floor with my one good hand. Why do we do this? Because we are called to love like Jesus. The hook in my finger didn’t matter because maybe God placed us there to pray and to help, regardless of our current trial.

It was a lesson in loving like Jesus.

Persistent, gentle, sacrificial love outweighs hurt, rejection, addiction, pride, sensitivity, and persecution almost every time. As we live out our calling and purpose in Christ, it is easy to get frustrated and want to give up. How do we live up to loving as Jesus did? Well, the first step is knowing we can’t love like Jesus if we don’t strive to live like Jesus. He was the example set for us and it is part of our calling to live that way knowing we will fall short. Living like Jesus requires us to let go of ourselves to attain the grace, peace, and love that is waiting for us. If we rest in Christ, loving others like he has loved us becomes a lot easier.

So again, how do we love like Jesus?

  1. Love unconditionally, without judgement. Don’t preach fire and brimstone at confessed sins and don’t turn your nose up in judgement. As God has loved us, so we must love others. John 3:16 & 1 Corinthians 13:13
  2. Love sacrificially. Love others to the point of giving up self. Romans 5:8.
  3. Love with truth. So often we find ourselves tolerating something because we perceive it to be an act of love. BUT IT ISN’T. Love is standing in truth for the sake of someone else. 1 Corinthians 13:6 & Ephesians 4:15.
  4. Love when its hard. You don’t always know the hardships that others bear, so love them when its hard and love them even more when they seem unlovable. 1 Peter 4:8.

No, sometimes love isn’t easy. Sometimes anger, fear, sadness, complacency, and quitting are much easier emotions to handle. But these emotions are nowhere near as productive as the ACTION of love. Deep, abiding, truthful love is what changes the people around us, as well as changes the spirit within us.

If we want to see lives changed, we have to stop offering up tolerance, fear, and judgement and replace it with the kind of love that we have been shown. Today my challenge for you is to think of someone that you find it difficult to simply like, then pray for that person and keep praying for them until you see a softening in your own heart. I have had to do this more times than I care to admit, but I can tell you it works.

feed yourself, girl with love, compassion, understanding, and most of all with Jesus. He thought you were worth dying for.

Willing To Seek

Another morning, another cup of coffee, and another blessing shown of God’s hand in my life.

When I say blessing, I don’t mean riches or stuff or things. The blessing I am referring to is wisdom.

I recently received my EMT-B certification and have been blessed to fill in for Grant County EMS when I am able. During the education portion of the certification we learned about the human body and how intricately it is woven together. Its amazing to see how one system supplies or feeds another and how they all work together. The 2 pieces of the human body that remain a mystery to me are the heart and mind. Both are fed by many systems, but it is the electrical system in each that get me. It’s like they are just there, running some of the most important functions of our body out of neurons, nodes, and synapses without explanation beyond the cellular level. Yet there it all is, functioning together like a well oiled machine.

And to think that God willed that into existence, that He willed you and I into existence.

Think about that for a moment. You would not be if it was not willed. God made you because he wanted you. It blows my mind.

Revelation 4 says “…and by Your will they existed and were created.” All of us, all of creation, was build out of God’s will. His want.

How can we (I) not humble ourselves (myself) in this? To know that when I hit my knees to talk to God, it is out of His sheer will that I exist. And yet i choose to pray for selfish things that lead to nothing. When instead praying in accordance with His will offers me everything.

I have to let go of the me to receive the perfect and complete joy of the Him.

In the past decade, God has changed my life in insurmountable ways. He has humbled me, taught me to listen, answered prayers, and changed and blessed my marriage.

In the past I had always perceived God’s will for my life to be “stuff.” I was SO wrong! God’s will for my life is to love others as He has loved me. And because He willed me into existence, I need to listen to what His will is for my life. I better go where He leads. In Jeremiah we are told that God has a plan for our life, to give us a future and hope. We hold onto that in such a cliched way! God goes on to tell us that when we seek Him with all our heart we will find Him. These two versus go hand in hand! We cannot know what God fully has for us if we do not fully seek Him. We cannot hang onto our own will and expect God to bless it.

How? How do we let go of our own finite will to grasp what God has for us? We must listen more than we request. We must ask God to “show us” and “tell us” rather than to ask God to “give me.”

When we operate in the will of self, we will be left unfulfilled.

But when we choose to stand in awe of the God that willed us into existence and then choose to listen, our own will for our life will change.

Job Season

Kris and I are currently in a season that feels like Murphy (and his law) came to visit, decided the spare room was pretty comfy, and just moved right in. Its like that weird relative that eats all your food, leaves his socks in the cushions, and then wreaks havoc on whatever he can. The welcome has officially been worn out. Although with Murphy, there was never a welcome in the first place.

You all ever have those seasons? They suck.

I am going to unpack a little of what we have been experiencing, but I am not going to dwell on it because there are bigger things going on here than our trials.

At the beginning of November, one of our sweet, precious sheep left our home prematurely. I am not going to delve into the details on it because that piece is too raw right now. This is where our Job season began.

In the same week, Kris went to the doctor to get some ailments looked at, which has sent us on a quest to improve our collective household health. We are also going to have to navigate life (short-term) with some sort of autoimmune disease (on-going testing), high triglycerides, and a short list of out-of-whack tests.

A few weeks later Flu A, COVID, and a mysterious respiratory virus hit our household one after the other after the other. For 6 weeks straight someone in this house has been sick.

Last week Katie had a follow up scope for her intestinal surgery that she had a year ago. She has had no symptoms and we thought it was a successful surgery. Well, the stricture in her intestines has returned. We are baffled, her doctors are baffled, and we are now going to navigate return trips to Kansas City along with trips for Kris’s doctors in Amarillo.

I have shared these trials over and over again over the past weeks. And yet, when I do, I cannot feel anything but peace.

I know there is something bigger going on here.

Job replies to the Lord in Job 42:2, “I know that you can do all things, and that no purpose of yours can be thwarted.”

AMEN JOB!

I know in the depths of my soul that God has a purpose for all of these things and for their timing. And I know that even when I cannot handle it, even when I am weak or mad or frustrated that I cannot control any of the adversity being tossed our way, He is sovereign over ALL OF IT. My peace comes from knowing He has total control. Yes, even when I don’t know the outcome.

I could sit here and have a pity party for one. Woohoo. I mean that’s what the enemy wants right? Sadness, defeat, isolation. Not this time.

Not this girl.

For the first time in my life I am completely and utterly submitted to God. He has it, He has it all. I don’t want it any other way.

I can already see God working in this season. He has strengthened my marriage in ways I didn’t see coming. I am more in love with my husband than I have ever been. God has taught me to be still and rest in His sovereignty. He has taught me to bite my tongue with others, to only say what is necessary or edifying. I can see God’s hand at work in the present as we speak. And all I can say is wow.

Please understand, I still have moments of deep sadness for my strayed sheep. I still wonder why us, why Katie? But if I sit and listen, God’s voice is always there with a Be still, Daughter. And I know I don’t have to carry the weight of our adversity as I have done so many times before.

So if any of you are carrying something heavy, hand it over to the One Who’s yoke is easy and Who’s burden is light. Sit. Listen. Be still and know. Like Job said, the Lord can do all things and His purpose won’t get thwarted.

You don’t have to carry the weight. You don’t have to camp in your Job season.

Pity party for one? Nah, girl. Its you and God.

Living: Eternal Gratitude

It’s Thanksgiving. A time that we all traditionally talk about and act on what we are grateful for. I mean, it seems a little sacrilegious not to talk about gratitude when the holiday season begins, right?

But I want to talk about the type of gratitude that seems overlooked much of the year: Eternal Gratitude. It is the gratitude that stems from the sacrifice that Christ offered on the cross. Literally life-saving gratitude. It is the root of Christian living. Eternal gratitude offers a contentment, peace, and joy that reaches beyond our understanding. It is the kind of gratitude that is more of a verb than a noun, and should be the driver behind our everyday decisions.

Do we live our lives with such gratitude for Christ’s sacrifice that it drives our EVERY thought and action? TBH – probably not (insert grace here). But we cannot live our lives like grace is a Get Out Of Jail Free card. We aren’t entitled to it. It isn’t an exception. It isn’t a license or a sanction or a blank check to be cashed. It isn’t some entitled freebie. It is simply, and profoundly, a gift. Our living should derive from gratitude fueled by sacrifice.

In Ecclesiastes, Solomon talks about everything under the sun and he describes it as fleeting and striving after wind. It is temporary and unfulfilling. His perspective of living is without heaven in view because Solomon is far from God. Ecclesiastes 1:14 says, I have seen everything that is done under the sun, and behold, all is vanity and striving after wind. Solomon is unfulfilled himself, even though he did not deny himself any earthly pleasures. He indulged in possessions, work, wisdom, and whatever his eyes desired. I considered all that my hands had done and the toil I had expended in doing it, and behold, all was vanity and striving after wind, and there was nothing to be gained under the sun, Ecclesiastes 2:11. Solomon worked for the gratification of stuff, and it ultimately left him empty.

Do we labor with heaven in view? Are we driven by our desires as Solomon was? Do we strive for what is considered vanity? Or do we live each day with gratitude that that Christ took the punishment for our sins? Do we live like we are content, peaceful, and joyful with eternity in sight?

In Ecclesiastes 3:11 Solomon says that God has made everything beautiful in its time. The he goes on to say, Also, he has put eternity into a man’s heart, yet so that he cannot find out what God has done from the beginning to the end. Our longing for something lasting was placed in us by God and can only be filled by God. That is why he placed that longing there, so that we HAVE to seek him for that fulfillment. However, when we choose to fill our eternal longing with temporal things, we fall decades short of any sort of fulfillment. Everything has its time, as Solomon said. Temporal blessings or things are not necessarily bad. It is the state of the heart that can make temporal versus eternal an issue. We cannot attempt to fill our eternal longing with temporary stuff, yet we do it over and over.

Matthew 6:19-21 says, Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

Where are our treasures? What matters to us?

You’ve heard the saying, “*Bleep* in one hand and want in the other.” I mean, let’s be honest, some of us parents have said it to our kids when they get a little too entitled. Don’t pretend you haven’t. But lets put a twist on it…”Want in one hand and live out of eternal gratitude in the other and see which one offers the most contentment, peace, and joy that lasts. Can you guess which one will have more eternal effects? Our wants are so fleeting, vain, and temporal. Eternal gratitude with obedience offers so much more than our wants ever could.

Don’t confuse the temporal for the eternal. Once is finite, the other is everlasting.

But how do we change?!

2 Corinthians 10:4-5 says, For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds. We destroy arguments and every loft opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ.

Take. Every. Thought. Captive.

As we take our thoughts captive, we weigh them against what God says and what we know to be true about God’s character. God’s word isn’t a set of guidelines to a suggestions. It is an instruction manual for life! Chaos ensues when we don’t follow instructions that are intended solely for our good. By taking every thought captive, and using our manual for life, we equip ourselves (out of gratitude) for eternity. We should be eternally grateful that we do not have to have all the answers and bear all of the burden on our own. Why? God’s sovereignty.

It is important to ask ourselves these questions:

Am I driven by wants or am I driven by my gratitude for what God has done for me? Weigh it against John 3:16 – For God SO loved the world….

How do I handle adversity? Am I grateful for God’s sovereignty in EVERY situation of my life? Weigh it against Philippians 4:12 – I know how to be brought low and I know how to abound; James 1:2 – Count it ALL joy when you meet trials of various kinds.

What consumes my headspace and my energy? What we think about is who we are, so what we fill our minds with is crucial to our well-being. Weigh it against Romans 12:2 – Renew your mind; 2 Corinthians 10:5 – Take EVERY thought captive.

Will my wants show others that I am thankful and content with God’s provision in my life? Weigh it against Philippians 4:19 – My God will supply EVERY need.

With God, we have the power to change our thoughts, actions, and reactions. Philippians 4:13, I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me. Why? Because I am grateful for God in every aspect of my life. Colossians 1:16-17 says, For by Him all things were created, in heaven and on earth. He is before all things and in him all things hold together.

Like love, gratitude requires action. How? By living out our thankfulness, by being content in the blessings God has given, and by resting in the fact that we do not have to carry it all on our own.

We see gratitude being lived out by the healed leper in Mark 1:40-45, by the woman at the well in John 4:1-42, and by Saul who became Paul in Acts 9. These are all powerful examples of gratitude in action. We must live out of what God has done for us, not in what we strive to do for ourselves.

Philippians 4:8-9 says, Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me – practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.

PRACTICE. THESE. THINGS.

That sounds like a call to action if I have ever heard one.

When we act on eternal gratitude we are offered:

Obedience…and with obedience comes…

Contentment…and with contentment comes…

Peace…and with peace comes…

Joy!

All beyond our understanding.

We just simply must…

Live. Out. Of Gratitude.

Meditate on Psalm 118 this week and be thankful for God’s presence in your life.

God bless your Thanksgiving and may eternal gratitude become a perpetual part of your daily living.

Bloom Where You Are Transplanted

We have all heard the phrase “Bloom where you are planted.” A phrase that contains encouraging words adorning stickers, t-shirts, coffee mugs, decorations, and Facebook news feeds. It may even be someone’s life motto and if you live by that, well good for you!

But let me take this popular expression to the next level: Bloom where you are transplanted.

Hear me out.

I am in the process of a career change. A very bittersweet one to be honest. I have really enjoyed the past 7 years of learning, negotiating, building, and growing. I have made some wonderful friends and have met some amazing, intelligent, persevering individuals in the agriculture industry. However, for the past few months I have felt a stirring, a discomfort, a kind of in-limbo feeling if you will, that this chapter is complete, and it is time to begin penning the new one. And while the new pages will hold fun and exciting adventures that are orchestrated by God, I can’t help but feel a tinge of sadness that this 7-year chapter is ending in one week.

Honestly, in my head I would really like to be one of those people who finds their niche and stays at a job for 40 years and then retires to some condo in Florida with a used boat and a Mai-Tai. But deep down, I know that my niche is people. I love people. I love all of their uniqueness and quirks and personalities….even if they do drive me a little crazy sometimes. And I have to be obedient when God places me where He needs me, whether it be to learn, to teach, or both. I have to be ok with the change, being uprooted and placed in a new pot. I have to bloom where I am transplanted.

Today I was sitting in my office working on some instructions for those who will do my job interim, and one of my office mates walked in. He said, “You must give me something from here, your office, before you leave.” To clarify, it wasn’t in any way demanding, but heartfelt, and I was extremely touched. You see, he and I had a rocky start. There were things we disagreed on, and at times talks between us got tense. We both have type A personalities, so you can imagine how some of those conversations went. But as we worked through those moments, our relationship changed. He became a confidant, a mentor, and a friend. And it was in that moment of asking for a token from my office that I realized why God had placed me there. I needed the people in that office to teach me things, and in turn I needed to do the same. God uses the people around us to help teach us and shape us, and we can choose to be bloom where He places us or we can choose to wither and allow the weeds around us to grow.

I think of Jesus. He travelled. He went where he was called. Capernaum, Samaria, Jerusalem, it didn’t matter. He went. It may have not been glamorous or practical, but when was miraculous ever practical?

I am in no way close to the Son of Man, but I know we are supposed to structure our lives in a way that shows God directs our steps. Sometimes those steps may seem impractical to our finite minds, but practicality often stifles the miraculous. Today when my office mate asked for the gift, that was a miracle in itself. Proof of God’s work in my life.

There I times I worry or question things I have done or choices I have made. Have I made the right decisions? Is this practical? Am I doing what is best? Am I providing for my family? Am I just a job hopper that is never satisfied? Am I being obedient to God? But then I look back over the past decade and a half of my life, and I know that where I was and where I am now are 2 very different places. And I know, that even though I have stumbled along the way, God has directed my steps since I met Him on the kitchen floor in despair on that sunny day. Have I chased selfish ambitions? Absolutely. Have I not listened to what God said because I was too tired? Yep. Yet I have also traded the practical to see the miraculous. Job hopper? Maybe. Career nomad? Likely.

All I really want to do the next right thing.

Bloom where you are transplanted.

2 Timothy 3:16-17, All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the servant of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.